#makingworkvisible | Engender | Your stories

Struggling working mum of a five year old and a ten year old

Mon, 25 Jan 2021 16:22:00 +0000

This lockdown is brutal! The expectation that I should be able to “homeschool” two primary school children of different ages, whilst working from home full time is unrealistic. I am barely coping and our current setup is not sustainable. Although my partner is also working from home it is me who is expected to take on the additional emotional labour and household tasks. We don’t talk about this anymore and I don’t push it, because I can’t face another argument about who is busiest or who earns the most money or has the most high profile job (it is him), I am trying to balance my daily professional work with being physically and emotionally available, to support my children as they struggle to connect to the internet, download their work, digest the instructions, press and un-press the mute button 30 times during a 45 minute virtual class etc. On a good day we make it outside for some fresh air but most days I don’t have enough time between meetings to motivate them to get ready to go out. Wrestling a five year old into his outdoor clothes, getting shoes on, making sure we are all fed and watered etc before we leave the house all takes time and effort that I no longer have time or energy for. I feel like I’m failing in every area of my life right now. I’m failing as a mother, as a professional woman, as a team mate, as a daughter. I wake every morning with a fear for what the day may hold. My sleep is broken and I have nightmares most nights. The weekends bring no joy. It is relentless and I am exhausted.

Mother of 3

Thu, 21 Jan 2021 08:42:00 +0000

Had to give up my job (most likely career) as a midwife as the final straw was no childcare if no school, and if I was working I'd then have to work alternate days to my partner, reducing his ability to work when he earns more money for the household. His business is less than a year old so he didn't qualify for any financial assistance, or furlough at any point, however his customer base has definitely been affected by the pandemic. When the first lockdown was announced and I suddenly had no childcare for work, I couldn't go to work for several weeks and later had annual leave entitlement and money deducted from my pay to cover the unavoidable time off I had had to take. For several months during the spring/summer lockdown I then worked alternate days to my partner and our household income was greatly reduced, with no financial assistance to make up the shortfall. We were also renting and had no support from our landlord and later had to move house.

Jobseeking Mother of three

Wed, 20 Jan 2021 16:23:00 +0000

I left my highly demanding job as a social worker in March 2020 to start working for an organsiation that I felt would be more supportive and understanding of my situation and allow me to get a better work life balance. I began my job in lockdown and had to juggle learning a new post, homeschooling and household tasks. My husband works shifts and had been asked to work 7 twelve hour shifts in a row with a two week break. In his first week off he would be exhausted and I would feel obliged to support him. My mental health was up and down and the uncertainty of the pandemic made me uneasy. I am also dyslexic and had asked for support from my employer in putting in place reasonable adjustments which included computer software etc. I did not get my access to work assessment until July 2020 and the equipment I needed did not arrive until September 2020. I was then not confirmed in post in November 2020 and am currently unemployed seeking work. Everyday I worry about how we will manage to pay the mortgage the following month and how I can help bring money in and we are now back in lockdown and whilst also job hunting I'm expected to homeschool and do all the household tasks and attend interviews and apply for jobs. I constantly feel guilty that I am not working and am aware this is impacting my relationships with my husband and children.

working mother of 3 year old

Sun, 17 Jan 2021 08:51:00 +0000

I have a full time position and have mostly been working from home since last March. I know I am luckier than many, many others. However, trying to work from home with a three year old is one of the hardest things I have ever done. The constant demands on me from work, my husband and my daughter are making me anxious and on edge and snappy. Then after I’m snappy, the guilt and remorse kick in and I feel like a failure as a mother and an employee. My husband barely helps with childcare even though I have the more stressful job. Of course, he doesn’t tell other people that. He tells them he’s right there in the trenches with me so he knows he should be helping more but doesn’t. When I try to get him to help more he gets angry and aggressive. I feel so depressed and trapped and at the same time know I should be grateful that my situation is so much better than others at the moment.

Mum guilt

Alys Mumford — Sun, 17 Jan 2021 08:49:00 +0000

During the first lockdown my son was only 6 months old. I had just started a new job and had organised childcare between family and a nursery then bang lockdown happened. I was left with no choice but to work at home full time while caring for my son. When I look back on that time I feel guilty as I know he did not get the care and attention he should have as I juggled the work that needed done every day for my employer with his naps, bottles, weaning, changing etc. Little time was left for play or special one to one time. Now we are here in another lockdown and this time I’ve been told I’ve to be in work as a keyworker and was sent a link to sort childcare for my son. No verbal discussion or any sort of understanding of that fact he had literally just settled into nursery after finally starting in August or the impact that sending him to a place with carers he did not know with no proper transition might have.

Cook and cleaner by default

Wed, 23 Sep 2020 11:08:00 +0100

Being a woman sharing a flat with two men (we're all in our late 20s) during lockdown is hard. All the typical discrepancies in taking responsibility for household chores are magnified exponentially week after week. Somehow I always ended up doing more of the cleaning, cooking and food shopping than my cohabitants. It was also me who would regularly disinfect the door handles, light switches, surfaces, and ensured that there was enough hand gel and disinfectant wipes and masks for everyone. I didn't enjoy acting like their mum, but my alternative would have been to accept dirty dishes, a dirty toilet, mostly fast food, and a greater transmission risk. I would sometimes ask them to help, then they would help for a day or so and then things would get back into their old rhythm. I can't wait for the day that men realise the amount of unpaid labour they put on women by default and start taking some responsibility.

#IWD2020 - The one job we will never quit

Sun, 08 Mar 2020 14:17:00 +0000

In this #MakingWorkVisible blog, Celeste Majcher presents the work that goes in to attending a 40 minute long singing class. Celeste blogs at thepastorswifeblog.com.

#IWD2020 - Zuze's Day

Fri, 06 Mar 2020 18:23:00 +0000

In this #MakingWorkVisible piece, Tariro Mapako reflects on her experiences of the unpaid work done by women in Zimbabwe. Tariro blogs about periods over at everythingbloody.

A rooster does not stand a chance against Zuze, an African mother of 3, when it comes to waking up early. On any given day Zuze is up way before the crack of dawn, to start her household duties.

#IWD2020 - The Web Of Life

Fri, 06 Mar 2020 17:53:00 +0000

In this #MakingWorkVisible blog, author JW reflects on how a change of work interacts with a change of country, and domestic double standards.

I was a journalist and then in PR in one of the most crowded cities in the world. Aside from my full-time jobs, I made some amateur films, wrote short stories and won two small awards. After my partner landed a job in Scotland, we moved here. By then I had decided to go professional with my old hobbies. I did an MA in film directing and started working as a freelance writer and filmmaker. After we ran away from the pollution and extreme crowds in China, my career prospect was reduced to a job-starter in a new market with a new language. Getting into the deep water of a mature adulthood, various threads grew and stitched into a complicated web of life.

#IWD2020 - My day of work: a full time job, looking after family, and fighting for women's equality

Alys Mumford — Fri, 06 Mar 2020 16:06:00 +0000

In this #MakingWorkVisible blog, Caroline MacKinnnon reflects on her working day. You can follow Caroline on Twitter @Carmcd79.

When I agreed to write a blog to highlight my own experiences of unpaid work, I felt that I should take some time to learn more about this issue. What I discovered is that “women carry out an overall average of 60% more unpaid work than men”, according to the Office of National Statistics (2016). This includes domestic chores, caring responsibilities and cooking. These figures prompted me to consider my own day to day routine and what work I was actually undertaking that could be referred to as “invisible work”.

#IWD2020 - The Value of Caring

Alys Mumford — Fri, 06 Mar 2020 13:05:00 +0000

In this #MakingWorkVisible blog, Molly Drummond explores the work that goes on behind so-called 'unskilled' jobs. Find Molly on Twitter @drummolly.

Under the new immigration rules proposed by the British Government, I would not be allowed to live in the United Kingdom if I had not been born here. Nor would my mother or most of my friends or my partner. The reason? We work in industries considered to be "low-skilled” because we earn less than £20,000 a year.

#IWD2020 - It's been a day

Thu, 05 Mar 2020 18:07:00 +0000

In this #MakingWorkVisible blog, Jo Rowe-Tan talks about her experiences of finding work, both paid and unpaid, since moving to Scotland two years ago.

#IWD2020 - Like Wonderwoman without a cape…

Thu, 05 Mar 2020 18:05:00 +0000

In this #MakingWorkVisible blog, Vikki Stephen highlights the work that goes into balancing two full time jobs - teaching and caring.

I could’ve started this blog by listing the sheer volume of work that goes into being a 21^st century woman, such as the time, effort and cost of trying to look hot as hell, 24/7 – fuelled by a multi-million pound beauty industry and the societal pressures of turning back the clock on our faces (because how dare we be affected by the ageing process). OR, I could’ve begun by discussing the emotional, physical and mental impacts of parenting that appear to mostly only affect mothers, and the fact that fathers are glorified for being ‘hands on’ on the rare occasion that they do the school run (wowee!), and don’t even get me started on the negative connotations of the term ‘single mother’ in comparison to the term ‘single father’.

#IWD2020 - A day in the life of a single mum

Thu, 05 Mar 2020 18:04:00 +0000

In this #MakingWorkVisible blog, Lynsey Calderwood takes us through a typical day as a full time worker, and full time mum.

#IWD2020 - What caring really means

Thu, 05 Mar 2020 18:02:00 +0000

In this #MakingWorkVisible blog, Ailsa Clarke reveals the varied and unsung work which goes into caring for her son. You can find Ailsa on Twitter @ails_clarke.

#IWD2020 - Scenes of 'women's work'

Thu, 05 Mar 2020 18:00:00 +0000

In this #MakingWorkVisible blog, Sophia Collins shares three scenes highlighting the invisible emotional, domestic, and reproductive labour done by women. Sophia tweets @sophiacol

#IWD2020 - The Cost of Co-production

Thu, 05 Mar 2020 17:59:00 +0000

In this #MakingWorkVisible blog, Dr Ariane Critchley explores how including the voices of service users in policy, research and design, can actually result in more unpaid and invisible work. Find Ariane on Twitter at @arianecritchley.

#IWD2020 - The power of art to make the invisible visible

Alys Mumford — Thu, 05 Mar 2020 17:58:00 +0000

Making Work Visible 2019: Demi's Day

Maxine Blane — Fri, 08 Mar 2019 06:11:00 +0000

Making Work Visible 2019: Jess' Day

Maxine Blane — Fri, 08 Mar 2019 06:11:00 +0000